Friday, February 27, 2009

sands through the hour glass

as some of you may know, my grandpa passed away last tuesday...february 24th. the timing was a little weird, because that was the same day as julie's birthday. i was in a quarterly meeting at work when my parents called with the news. grandpa medendorp was my last surviving grandparent, so that adds to the sadness.

click here for grandpa's obituary

then do a search for "medendorp", or just scroll down.

as a side note, julie should be listed as julie o'neal in the obituary...not julie medendorp

Monday, February 23, 2009

Memphis

This past weekend, Brian and I went to Memphis for a joint birthday and belated Valentine's Day celebration. When we were planning where to go, I wasn't too excited about visiting Memphis but because Brian was so excited about it, I agreed. It turned out to be a really great trip, save the fact that my recurring cold/sickness came back.

We visited two places where I had not heard of, Sun Studios and Stax Records. We also visited the National Civil Rights Museum.

It was an amazing adventure to be fortunate to be a part of history and learn the awesome stories of the great cloud of witnesses to these significant moments in history.

First, Sun Studios
This was the place where many famous singers recorded many famous songs. Names such as Johnny Cash and Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, and Carl Turner. I noticed that when we were on the tour, the guide often mentioned many white artists and knew loads of facts about them but rarely mentioned the other artists of color who recorded there. Aside from that, I was still amazed by the fact that the studio is still used today as a place where current and up-and-coming artists can pay $100/hr for a 2 hr minimum chance to record their songs in this famous studio.

Second, the National Civil Rights Museum
Although I had heard of this, I had not visited this historic site of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The museum was housed in the former Lorraine Hotel where Martin lived his last days. The museum was a very well done look at the African-American journey through history.

As familiar as this was to me, I still learned of the stories of how segregation trickled down to the minute of details where even in courtrooms, whites and blacks had to be sworn in on two seperate bibles, clearly marked for each race. I learned of a 14 year old Emmett Till, who visited MS from the state of IL who bragged to his black friends about his white friends back home and upon completing a dare, his fate was ultimately sealed when he was lynched and beaten.

Unfortunately, our time ran out at the museum so we didn't get to see the second part of the museum that explored MLK, Jr.'s death and assassination investigation.

The second night we were there, while my cold had hit hard, I ended up channel surfing and came across the movie "Taking Chance". It starred Kevin Bacon and I became intrigued by the plot of the film. While I missed the first part of the movie, I quickly learned that Bacon plays a marine who is accompanying a fallen soldier's body back to his home town in Wyoming for the funeral. In his journey, Bacon encounters a man who challenges Bacon's worthiness of being called a voluntary military escort. Bacon doesn't feel that he's worthy because he'd rather be home with his wife and kids. The man that Bacon encounters challenges him because he very strongly feels that Bacon was most definately worthy of his position because he was the witness to Chance's life. (the fallen marine) He said something to the effect of what is life worth living if we don't have witnesses to our lives.
This quote stuck with me as I reflected upon the events of the day and would impact me the next day as we visited Stax Records.

Third, Stax Records
I was unfamiliar with what Stax was and I assumed that it was just another recording studio that my husband would enjoy far more than I. Gladly, I was mistaken.

Stax Records was in a nutshell a famous studio where people such as Otis Redding, Booker T. and the MGs, Aretha Franklin, Issac Hayes, the Staple Singers and so many more got their start. Beyond that, it was an incredible testiment to the "oasis of racial sanity" that was transformational for so many during the 1950s and 1960s (and beyond). It was the one place where there could be interracial harmony when composing the music of the soul. Color was not segregated inside the studio. Heart and soul and passion thrived. Jim Stewart and Estelle Axton were the co-founders and laid the foundation of collaboration and grassroots inspiration that couldn't be found in the outside world at that time (due to the segregation and hatred).

I was humbled that I had never heard of this amazing place. I was awed by the gathering called Wattstax, a gathering of over 100,000 african-americans in the city of Watts in 1972, mere years after the infamous Woodstock. I wish I would have heard more about Wattstax instead of Woodstock when growing up.

Due to a series of events, the assassination of Dr. MLK Jr., the death of Otis Redding, some untimely and unfortunate business transactions, Stax lost the soul that claimed so many hearts. It never was the same. It closed in the 1970s and finally reopened as a historic site that it is today.

The story is amazing and enlivened the passion in me that is drawn to such grassroots, raw movements. I was proud to discover this amazing place and am honored to share the story of Soulville, USA.

Super Bowl 43




Now I realize that this post is about 22 days past due... But I wanted to celebrate the achievement of the AZ Cardinals on getting to the Super Bowl 43 in Tampa, FL.

Here are some great moments from the homecoming festivities in AZ after the Superbowl. There were reports that the players were taking photos of the crowd upon return because it too was a special moment for them. They felt that they let AZ down and certainly played their hearts out. Also, is a before and after photo of Brian and I when we courageously viewed the game at a house full of Pittsburg fans.

Photos courtesy of The Arizona Republic's Tom Tingle and Nick Oza.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Not Ready to Make Nice

Writing has always been therapeutic for me, especially with deep or painful issues, but for some reason tonight, as I struggled with an on-going issue, a song actually captured my anger, frustration, sadness, and... well, anger really. It's a song by the Dixie Chicks and it's called "Not Ready to Make Nice." Here are the lyrics:

"Not Ready To Make Nice"

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

What it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

Courtesy of AZ Lyrics (http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/dixiechicks/notreadytomakenice.html)

And here's the video when they performed at the Grammys:



There are many phrases that stick out to me... "I've paid a price" and "Mad as hell". Now those don't sound like lyrics that a nice Christian girl should be listening to. Well, frankly, I feel that anger isjust as healthy an emotion as any other and please, take a walk in my shoes before passing judgment on me.


But another thing that this has stirred up is that for a long time, I, as a woman of color, as a young person, as an Asian American, have often been told things that encourage me to discredit or diminish the pissed-off-ness that comes from racism, from prejudice, from ignorance.

No one can truly know what it's like and so especially phrases like "oh they didn't mean anything by it", "you just need to stop being so sensitive", "you just need to get over it", really don't help, and just piss me off even more.

And so now, I need time to understand why it's so hard for people to talk about this issue and why people are so damn ignorant and racist. I know I'm supposed to enter into the conversation and continue to go back to try to do the more noble and just thing. But sometimes it sucks being the only one who goes back. It sucks when no one else is doing it and I have to be the one or else it doesn't get talked about, doesn't get noticed, gets ignored.

Well as long as you continue to ignore it, I will continue to be the thorn in your side. I know wholeness and reconciliation and all of that stuff is nice. It will help me heal. But, I don't know if I can get to the point to where I need to make nice before you will hear me. I've done that for too long. I've put up with stupid people for too long. I'm done. Sorry if you think you deserve a chance - someone else took your chance with them and they chose not to do anything with it.

(Yes, thank you for enduring my seemingly endless, obscure, and vague rant. I am just needing this as a forum right now...)

So for now, I'm not ready.